Six Steps to Stress-Free Parenting

Ron Huxley offers parents to better manage stress
which means stress-reduced parents!

Get 300 strategies for managing stress today! Nothing describes parenting better than stress! As far as I can tell, there are no stress-free ages or stages in raising children. Oh, some might be a little less challenging but they all have their ups and downs. Experts tell us that some stress, in moderate doses, actually increases performance. It is supposed to keep us sharp and ready for action. Too much stress and it will destroy our health and relationships.
Stress is defined as any physical or emotional demand that you feel unable to handle. These demands encompass all of the little hassles you experience every day, from the moment you try to get children up for school to the moment you finally get them to bed, at night. What makes daily hassles so dangerous is that they are too often considered trivial. Simply because they do occur every day, we disregard just how serious they can be to our overall wellbeing. Over time, these hassles of modern parenting add up, building in pressure, until we have an explosion of anger and frustration. In the aftermath, our family members stare at us in bewilderment or retaliate in defense.
In contrast, we take more seriously life's major hassles. The big three are major illness, death, or a divorce.
No one questions us when we react strangely when these hassles rear their ugly head. We even get lots of sympathy cards and support in our time of need. But what happens when a major hassle is a cause of celebration or even desired. For example, when we get married, move to a bigger house, get a promotion, or have a baby, these are all joyous events, right? Yes, but they are also stressful!
Remember our definition: Stress is any demand you feel unable to manage. Can a marriage or new home be difficult to manage? Of course it can. If you do not have the management skills needed to cope with a particular problem and/or you are experiencing so many demands that no amount of skills are adequate to prevent you from being weighed down, you will experience stress. To help you better manage stress or prevent it altogether, here are six steps to stress-free (well, almost) parenting.

Managing Stress Skill #1: Be aware of stress.

Sounds obvious don't it? You would be surprised at the number of parents who are unable to recognize the early warning signs of stress. For some parents, these signs include feeling over tired, irritable, or restless. For others, they observe family members attack or withdraw from others more quickly. Make a list, as a family, of how each person feels when under a lot of stress. Use recent examples to clearly identify the early warning signs. Have members describe what was going on in their body when under stress. Talk about how devastating stress can be on us physically and emotionally. Post this list on the refrigerator and remind each other of the telltale symptoms rather than blow up at one another.

Managing Stress Skill #2: Take a time out.

Don't stop with just labeling your stressful feeling. Take some action. When recognizing stressful symptoms, announce: "I am going to take a time out." Time out allows family members to cool down when over heated. It also prevents family members from saying or doing things, when stressed, that they may later regret. Of course, your family members might not like you taking a time out and follow you into the time out room. Politely ask them for a specific number of minutes and reassure them that you will come back out to discuss the situation that is causing you stress. If that doesn't work, lock the door and tell you will be out soon!

Managing Stress Skill #3: Create a self-care plan.

You knew I was going to mention this one, didn't you. If you are guilty of putting other family members first all of the time and neglecting yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually, then you need a self-care plan. Make sure to eat a balanced diet, get plenty of sleep, and exercise two to three times a week. In addition, meditate, pray, or spend time in a relaxing activity every day, even if it is for just a few minutes at a time.

Managing Stress Skill #4: Buy a time management planner.

You wouldn't run a company or start a complex project without making plans and prioritizing your time. So don't run a home that way. Of course, we're not talking obsessive-compulsive behavior here. Just learn to use some simple time management principles. Go to your local stationary or office supply store and buy a basic time management planner. It has priority lists, contact names, project planners, calendars, and to do list already for you to better manage your life.

Managing Stress Skill #5: Solve problems together.

As parents, we think we have to have all the answers. Well, we don't. Trying to act like you do will increase stress for you and the kids. Helping to solve family problems increases your child's sense of ownership for the problem. Set up a regular time each week to talk about problems family members are experiencing and come up with working solutions. Set ground rules for the meeting, with basic courtesies being considered and allow everyone to contribute, no matter how ridiculous or self-serving the suggestion. And remember, while a family is indeed a democratic organization, the parents have veto power! Use it wisely.

Managing Stress Skill #6: Find support.

Find other adults, preferably parents, who will validate your feelings and support you when need it. They could be a relative who baby-sits for a couple of hours or close friends to sit who sit and have coffee together while the kids are in school. If you don't have a close friend or relative, join a group or enroll in a class. Start browsing in the phone book under social services or recreation or crazed-parents (just kidding). It doesn't even have to be parenting related. Just socialize and develop a strong social support network. This network will be there for you when the stress gets out of control. Or, when your child does. These aren't the only ways to minimize stress in your life. They won't make your life stress-free. Expert's claim that living stress- free isn't be good for us anyway (although I would like to try it for a while). The reality is it isn't gonna happen! So, pick one skill and start managing you and your families stress.
For more personal development guest articles, such as this one on managing stress, check the menu to the left.
For personal growth articles by The Happy Guy, check his personal growth library.

Worrying Well - Learn to worry well and benefit from stress

As we all know, worrying creates stress, and stress is a health risk. Worrying can raise your blood pressure, cause you to suffer sleepless nights and affect your digestion, your immunity - even your sex life. But worrying isn't all bad - the ability to worry about possible dangers and prepare for them has been a crucial factor in the development and survival of Mankind. Here's how to tap into your evolutionary birthright and make stress work for you!

Turn stress into your friend - understand when to worry

Thousands of years ago worrying ensured our survival. Humans were the feeblest, slowest, most poorly protected food around. 'Man the hunter' is a hopelessly inaccurate idea, as for most of our evolution we survived by spotting dangerous situations and staying well away!
And how did we do that? By worrying! Or put another way; using our thinking ability to explore every possibility before putting ourselves at risk. Possibilities like "There could be a tiger in there", had to be checked out first! These days few situations threaten our physical survival, but we still behave as if there are many. Most of us face many potentially worry-provoking situations every day and if we avoided them all, we'd get nowhere fast.

Make worrying constructive - learn how to 'worry well'.

Take time to think over all your worries, dilemmas and problems. Set aside half an hour for worrying during the day. When you find yourself worrying at any other time, note the worry down and keep it for later. Once you write down your worries, you can be more objective, and 'leave them alone' for a while.
Try using the following template:

• "I am worried about...."
• "The worst that could happen is...."
• "The best that could happen is...."
• "Things I can do now are"....
• "Other factors to remember".

Also realise that tiredness, hunger, anxiety and other 'low' mood states can lead to your thoughts becoming more doom-laden. So worry after you've eaten, in the morning after a good sleep, or best of all, after 20 minutes exercise

Worry your way to a solution

Take the pressure off yourself - delay making crucial decisions.

You may find it hard to think of anything else when you are caught up worrying about some future decision. Realise that sometimes you can choose not to make a decision for the time being. Say to yourself "I'm not ready to make a decision on that yet. I'll think about it again in 5 days time", and put the date in your diary.
Getting yourself too worked up with worry can have a detrimental effect on your mood, sleep patterns, memory and problem-solving ability. Dwelling on a problem can make it harder to find a solution. By giving yourself 'time off' from thinking about it - you'll find you get a greater perspective and find solutions easier. Writing down your worries and putting them aside until you decide to deal with them, allows you to put them to rest for the time being.

Worry your way to a solution, not more problems!

Chronic worrying can quickly make you feel helpless, as you imagine more and more problems until you reach the point where you can't possibly solve them all. It usually goes a bit like "If that happens, then this will happen, and then that will be a disaster!"
Instead, try challenging worry-provoking thoughts with questions like "What evidence is there for that?" and "Just how likely is that, based on my past experience?" Learn to distinguish between possibility and probability. It's your mind - take control of your thoughts!
Worrying is about balancing the odds of whether or not to do something. If you have to do it, then what you need is preparation, not worry. For example, with public speaking, prepare intellectually by learning your material, and emotionally by doing relaxation and visualisation, or self-hypnosis.

The Bottomline:

Whether making a business decision, thinking about the kids or fretting over a relationship, worrying is useful, but only when it's done well. Worrying well saves time, energy, and emotional discomfort and enables you to make better decisions. So, to avoid excessive and ineffective worry, you can employ the techniques above and learn to better tolerate uncertainty.

Roger Elliott is a therapist, trainer and author and is the co-founder of Hypnosis Downloads, the web's busiest hypnosis site where you can get a cutting-edge hypnosis session for almost any situation.

You can train with Roger Elliott from anywhere in the world, on our distance learning therapy courses, in topics such as Learn hypnosis online, Lift depression fast and the Fast Phobia Cure.

Anxiety, Panic and Stress

Anxiety, panic attacks and stress-related conditions can be said to be part of modern life. And indeed, they are all useful, adaptive responses in small doses and appropriate situations. But when anxiety gets out of hand and starts to disrupt sleep, or panic attacks start to happen more than once in a blue moon, they can be very worrying indeed. Use the articles below to get help with your anxiety-related problem. You may also get help from our Self Help Psychology Articles.

	Worrying Well - Learn to worry well and benefit from stress Worrying Well - Learn to worry well and benefit from stress.
	Phobias - Strange But Simple, Terrible But Treatable If you have a phobia, or know someone who has, you may have been baffled by it. Find out what causes phobias and what can be done.
	What's that noise? (Fear of flying) Do you have a fear of flying? Help understand what you fear of flying.
	Panic attacks and anxiety Find out how panic attacks and anxiety are an essential part of being human. Use your 'fight or flight' response to your advantage.
	How Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Works Do you or do you know someone who suffers from post traumatic stress disorder? Read how trauma can be removed from the traumatic memory using hypnosis.
	Stress: symptom of a modern age? How stress can cause a person to suffer so much physically and emotionally. Read how long term stress can affect your life and follow our tips for a stress relief solution.

Keeping the Romance Alive in our Marriage

 "Honour Christ by submitting to each other"
(Ephesians 5:21).
Marvin and I have been married for over 54 years. We have lived, slept, worked, played, prayed, traveled and eaten together for that many years. For years Marvin traveled at least 30 percent of the time - probably more. When he is away, he calls me most evenings and his voice still thrills me. I still think he has the most wonderful smile in the world, a calm, gentle voice and the friendliest eyes. And I still love his touch.
What do we do to keep the romance alive in our marriage?
First I'll tell you what he does to keep our romance alive, then I'll tell you what I do to keep our marriage interesting and exciting.
He does and says kind things. He tells me many times a day that he loves me and that I am beautiful. He kisses and hugs me a lot. At night, because he knows I like to take a bath, the bathwater is usually in the tub and the room is nice and warm before I get to the bedroom. He often brings me flowers. He opens doors for me. When in a group meeting he winks at me. I know I am special to him and it still gives me a thrill.
He supports and affirms me in the ministry God has called me to.
What I do to keep our interest in each other?
I cook his favorite meals - especially after a trip when he has been eating in restaurants for days. I keep his clothes in A-1 condition so he is always ready to meet anyone. I tell him he is handsome and looks sharp. I take care of many of the small housekeeping details at home so he doesn't have to concern himself with them. I affirm him in leadership abilities, his wisdom and discernment.
Some evenings when we are at home alone and watching TV or a video; I will put my head on his lap. He likes me to touch him and kiss him when we are alone.
In public places, a touch or squeeze on the arm communicates, 'I love you!' without saying a word. When he is relaxing and has his feet up, I never walk by without tickling his feet.
We have fun. We laugh a lot.
We have spiritual discussions. Over breakfast we usually discuss what God has pointed out to us during our quiet times and we pray together.
We work at trying to please each other rather than insisting on having our own needs met.
Our love for each other is still growing and glowing. You see, romance doesn't start in the bedroom; it begins first thing in the morning. The way you greet each other in the morning, how you treat and talk to each other during the day. Then when you go to bed, it is natural to want to snuggle.
Try some of these tips-- maybe they will help ignite or strengthen the romance in your marriage as well.
Father, thank You for my husband. Help me to the kind of wife You want me to be. Amen.
.....................................
How is your life or marriage doing? Have you struggled to find happiness in your marriage? Perhaps it's time you and your spouse invited God to direct your relationship. If you would like to do so, we encourage you to pray the following:

"Dear God, thank you so much for bringing us together as a couple. We know that you have a plan and a purpose for our marriage, and we invite you to forgive the past self-centeredness, come into our lives and relationship and direct our steps from now on. Please give us the grace to put you and each other first every day. Make our relationship a blessing to others. But most of all; make it a blessing to you. Amen."

The Art of Lovemaking

Some people are embarrassed to talk about lovemaking, especially with their partners. How the man or the woman views this experience, is often programmed into them from an early age by the perceptions of a parent or caregiver and confirmed through life' experiences. But like anything in life, if you want to achieve enjoyment and fulfilment from it, you must be prepared to talk about it.

Like any other art, you need to practice the art of lovemaking in order to become really good at it. In this regard, men and women have different perceptions of what being a "good lover" ia all about. If you ask a man, he will focus on technique and results, such as "she had multiple orgasms". But if you ask a woman, she will remember the setting and atmosphere leading up to the lovemaking. So if we want the most memorable lovemaking experience, we need to take both the above into account. The secret is to become creative. Music, smells, lighting and colours all combine to produce the most sensually arousing setting for the most memorable lovemaking.

The art of lovemaking is about intimacy and this comes from openness and trust. It is so important to communicate with each other. When you feel a heart-to-heart connection with your partner, your lovemaking can be pure ecstacy. So we have to learn to be honest and let your partner know exactly how you feel.

We cannot overemphasise the importance of foreplay in the art of lovemaking. Sometimes we can be so focussed on reaching orgasm that we forget to simply enjoy the pleasure of lovemaking. Instead, we only experience frustration. This is especially likely when lovemaking no longer seems like an adventure of doing something different together. It becomes routine. But can you imagine having sensual foreplay without actually having sex?

Men need to realize that woman want to be loved all over. You need to taste each other, touch each other, see each other, smell each other, hear each other. These are the five senses and if we use them all, it will not only draw you closer, you will also want each other more, leading to an explosive climax.

Then there are the "errogenous zones" - those pleasure zones in numerous parts of our bodies. Why does a woman sigh when a man whispers into his girlfriend's ear? The truth is, most men, as well as women, can become aroused when their partner pays attention to certain special spots beyond the genitalia. The key to foreplay lies in the stimulation of the major and minor errogenous zones.

Oh ... and there's more!
Source: Free Articles

Differences Between Men and Women

People in relationships often have strong expectations that their partner will be just like they are: exhibit the same attitudes, values,  perceptions and behaviors.  However, we know that you will not change your partner's attitudes and behaviors unless they themselves are motivated to do so.  You are even less likely to change their basic gender characteristics.  So it is very important to educate yourself as to the basic gender differences which exist between men and women, and accept the fact that the differences are there, they are real, and they are not going away.  In this way you can learn to use the differences as a way to enrich your relationship rather than to damage it.

Are Men and Women really different?   Let's look at the evidence in a variety of areas of life.  Note that these findings are generalizations and summaries that apply to most men or women, but not to all men or all women.
1. PHYSIOLOGICAL DIFFERENCES

• Girls develop right side of brain faster than boys: leads to talking, vocabulary, pronunciation, reading earlier, better memory.

• Boys develop left side faster than girls: visual-spatial-logical skills, perceptual skills, better at math, problem solving, building and figuring out puzzles.

• Girls more interested in toys with faces than boys are; play with stuffed animals and dolls more; boys drawn to blocks or anything that can be manipulated.

• Women use both hemispheres of brain; corpus callosum thicker in women.

2. SOCIAL INFLUENCES
  Studies of infants:

• Both men and women speak louder to boys than girl infants; they are softer and express more "cooing" with girls. Boys are rarely told they are sweet, pretty, little doll; boys are told they are a pumpkin head or "Hey big guy".

• Boys handled more physically and robustly than girls, bounced around more .

• Girls are caressed and stroked more than boys.

• Up to age 2, mothers tend to talk to and look at their daughters significantly more than than they do with their sons, and make more eye contact with the daughters as well.

• Mothers show a wider range of emotional response to girls than boys. When girls showed anger, mothers faces showed greater facial disapproval than when boys showed anger. May influence why girls grow up smiling more, more social, and better able to interpret emotions than boys.

• Fathers use "Command terms" with boys more than girls; and more than mothers gave.

 Developmental Differences Between Boys and Girls:

• Nursery rhymes, books and cartoons perpetuate stereotypes,which often promote damsel in distress, frumpy housewife, helpless senior citizen, sexy heroine and swooning cheerleader.

• Girls use more terms of endearment than boys.

• Boys get away with more aggressive antisocial behavior in school and home than girls.

• Girls who act as tomboys are accepted; boys who act like girls are severely reprimanded ("don't cry" "Don't be a sissy").

• Girls tend to talk about other people; secrets in order to bond friendships; and school, wishes and needs.

• Boys talk about things and activities. What they are doing and who is best at the activity.

• Teenage girls talk about boys, clothes and weight.

• Teenage boys talk about sports, mechanics, and function of things.

• age 12-18: biggest event for girls: have a boyfriend

• are 12-18: boys are equally interested in the following: sex, cars and sports.

• This carries into adulthood when women talk about relationships, people, diet, clothing, physical appearance. Men talk about sports, work, money, cars, news, politics, and the mechanics of things.

3. VALUES AND SELF ESTEEM AS ADULTS
    MEN

• A man's sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results, through success and accomplishment. Achieve goals and prove his competence and feel good about himself.

• To feel good about himself, men must achieve goals by themselves. 

• For men, doing things by themselves is a symbol of efficiency, power and competence.

• In general, men are more interested in objects and things rather than people and feelings.

• Men rarely talk about their problems unless they are seeking "expert" advice; asking for help when you can do something yourself is a sign of weakness.

• Men are more aggressive than women; more combative and territorial.

• Men's self esteem is more career-related.

• Men feel devastated by failure and financial setbacks; they tend to obsess about money much more than women

• Men hate to ask for information because it shows they are a failure.

   WOMEN:

• Women value love, communication, beauty and relationships.

• A woman's sense of self is defined through their feelings and the quality of their relationships. They spend much time supporting, nurturing and helping each other. They experience fulfillment through sharing and relating.

• Personal expression, in clothes and feelings, is very important. Communication is important. Talking, sharing and relating is how a woman feels good about herself.

• For women, offering help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength; it is a sign of caring to give support.

• Women are very concerned about issues relating to physical attractiveness; changes in this area can be as difficult for women as changes in a man's financial status.

• When men are preoccupied with work or money, women interpret it as rejection.

4. OTHER DIFFERENCES

• Men are more logical, analytical, rational.

• Women are more intuitive, holistic, creative, integrative.

• Men have a much more difficult time relating to their own feelings, and may feel very threatened by the expression of feelings in their presence. This may cause them to react by withdrawing or attempting to control the situation through a display of control and/or power.

• Men are actually more vulnerable and dependent on relationships than women are and are more devastated by the ending, since they have fewer friends and sources of emotional support.

• Men are more at ease with their own angry feelings than women are.

• Women are in touch with a much wider range of feelings than men, and the intensity of those feelings is usually much greater for women than men. As a result of this, many man perceive that women's feelings appear to change quickly; men may find this irrational and difficult to understand.

• Men tend to be more functional in approaching problem-solving; women are aesthetically-oriented in addition to being functional.

• Women tend to be much more sensitive to sounds and smells than men are; and women as such tend to place a greater emphasis on "atmosphere". 

5. CONFLICTS WHICH ARISE DUE TO BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

• The most frequent complain men have about women:  Women are always trying to change them.

• The most frequent complaint women have about men: Men don't listen.

• Women want empathy, yet men usually offer solutions.

• When a woman tries to change or improve or correct or give advice to a man, men hear that they are being told that they aren't competent or don't know how to do something or that they can't do something on their own.

• Men often feel responsible or to blame for women's problems.

• Men always assume women want advice and solutions to problems, that that is the best way to be helpful and to show love; women often just want someone to sincerely listen to them.

• Housework: men avoid it, try to get others to do it at all costs, feel demeaned by doing it. For women, cleanliness of house is a manifestation of warm, homey nest. Men and women have different thresholds for cleanliness and dirt.

• Men often try to change a woman's mood when she is upset by offering solutions to her problems, which she interprets as discounting and invalidating her feelings.

• Women try to change men's behavior by offering unsolicited advice and criticism and becoming a home-improvement committee.

6. HOW TO WORK WITH THESE DIFFERENCESÂ

• When women are upset, it is not the time to offer solutions, though that may be appropriate at a future time when she is calmed down.

• A man appreciates advice and criticism when it is requested. Men want to make improvements when they feel they are being approached as a solution to a problem rather than as the problem itself.

• Men have great needs for status and independence (emphasis on separate and different); women have needs for intimacy and connection (emphasis on close and same).

• Women need to receive caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance.

• Women are motivated when they feel special or cherished.

• Men need to receive trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, encouragement.

• Men are motivated when they feel needed.   A man's deepest fear is that he is not good enough or not competent enough, though he may never express this.

7. SUMMARY

• There are major, significant differences between men and women.

• The differences are different, NOT better or worse.  Do not judge the differences.  Do not try to change the differences.   Do not try to make them go away.

• These are generalizations! Individual differences exist; we all have some of these qualities.

• To get along, you MUST accept, expect and respect these differences.

Be sure to remember these differences when communicationg about anything important, when expressing care and concern, and when solving conflicts

Men, women and emotions - or why he never tells you how he's feeling!

He just won't talk! - women's most common complaint

If I've heard it once, I've heard it a thousand times. Women everywhere seem to say the same thing about their male partners and it goes like this: 'He just shuts off to emotion! He never tells me how he is feeling!' Or 'He'll leave the room and refuse to talk about it!'
So when Rosemary, a client of mine, started telling me about the difficulties she was having with her partner, I listened sympathetically and let her pour out her frustration without telling her that I had heard it all before. And when she finally came to a stop, I began to explain why so many men are uncomfortable exploring their feelings and why this is a good thing!
I think I had her full attention.

Going quiet - emotional upset versus problem solving

Male friends have told me they hate it when a woman asks them during a quiet moment: 'What are you thinking?' Women find this a natural question because women tend to go quiet when they feel hurt or lied to. If a man is quiet, a women may assume his silence indicates that he is upset. Men, on the other hand, stop communicating when they have a problem to solve.
Understanding better how your partner processes emotions can clear up misunderstandings and bring greater tolerance into your relationship. The fact is that men and women are different in more than just the obvious physical ways.

Emotional arousal is bad for male health

This all reminds me of the old song: 'Why can't a woman be more like a man?' Except in this instance it's: 'Why can't a man be more like a woman?' There are things you need to know about how most men and women relate differently to emotions.
And a prime difference is that men have to protect themselves from emotional arousal for the sake of their health.
The 1970s therapeutic ideal was about 'getting in touch with your feelings.' However, more recent research shows that strong emotion - particularly for men - can be physically dangerous. Women used to be dismissively known as the 'weaker sex' - but in some ways men are actually more vulnerable. Women not only live longer but at every stage of life the male is more likely to die than the female. Even in infancy, premature boys are more likely to die than premature girls.
Rosemary was surprised and relieved to learn that there are sound reasons why her male partner may 'button up'.

Men act, women talk

Firstly, men's brains are wired for action during high emotion, whereas women's brains are wired for talking things over. If a man instinctively knows his anger is likely to lead to action (and possibly regrettable violence) he may try to stop it going that far by putting a lid it on it. Or 'clamming up' as his partner may describe it.
Secondly, from an evolutionary perspective men would have had to shut off their emotions while out hunting, so over time it has become natural for them to do so.
But there is a third and even better reason why men typically may shut themselves off more from emotional arousal.

I'm out of here! - the male survival mechanism

In an emotionally-arousing situation, a man's first instinct is to leave and calm down. This is partly due to how emotions affect men. They are a cue to physical action - the consequences of which could be terrible. If a man stays put and becomes very emotional, his blood pressure skyrockets and he is at risk of having a heart attack. It also takes much longer for a man's blood pressure and immune system to return to normal after high emotion than it does for a woman. Therefore a man will instinctively try (without even knowing that this is what he is doing) to protect himself and escape the situation.

Young boys are more stressed by emotion than girls

This difference in male/female emotion processing is evident from a young age. Women need to be more tuned into their emotions than men because they are, more often, the ones who rear children (of course, this is a generalisation and there are always exceptions). One research study showed that young boys were much quicker to try to switch off a recording of a baby crying than young girls were. The researchers at first reasoned that this was because of male insensitivity. But it turned out that the boys had much higher levels of stress hormone in their bloodstreams than the girls did on hearing the emotionally arousing trigger. Men are actually more sensitive to emotion and so more likely to avoid it.
This gender difference persists through life and old men are much more likely to die soon after the loss of a partner than an elderly wife when she loses her husband.

Let's have some understanding

The best way to relate to one another is for men to appreciate that a woman needs to off load sometimes and for a woman to know that a man may prefer to talk about practicalities rather than how he is feeling.
So a man, when he realises that his partner is upset or worried about something, can ask her if she would like to talk about it. But then he needs to resist the temptation to offer advice or tell her what to do! Just listen and affirm her feelings.
Conversely, a woman who notices something is up can think twice before asking that frightening question - 'How do you feel?' or before starting to say 'I feel'. A good alternative might perhaps be to say 'It might be a good idea if we do such-and-such about that - This makes it action orientated and therefore less threatening to her male partner. Remember strong emotion physically harms a man and is a cue to action rather than discussion.

Rosemary's relief

As you can imagine, Rosemary felt much happier when she had grasped all this. She suggested that this difference accounts for why far more women than men seek therapy - because they are more comfortable discussing their emotions. Knowledge is power and Rosemary is now confident that her relationship can survive.

Mark Tyrrell is a therapist, trainer and author and is the co-founder of Hypnosis Downloads, the web's busiest hypnosis site where you can get a cutting-edge hypnosis session for almost any situation.

You can train with Mark Tyrrell from anywhere in the world, on our distance learning therapy courses, in topics such as Learn hypnosis online, Lift depression fast and the Fast Phobia Cure.